Shame

 

I agree with the quote, “Shame is a controlling device. Shaming someone is an attempt to prevent that person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us. Shame could be describe as that little voice in that back of our mind that tells us something may be deemed in appropriate. However this depends on the individual and the environment they are in. For example if I were in an Amish community I couldn't shame someone for not knowing how to use a cell phone. Since the Amish don't use technology then that would be considered the norm. Like most situations it is important that we keep an open mind. Just because I may be a little more reserved than some of my friends doesn’t mean I should feel ashamed or shame them for it. We each have our own individual personality which makes us who we are. However as I said earlier time and place also play a major factor.

A few weeks ago my service fraternity was holding an informational in coats hall. During this informational we were making mardi gras mask for the children at Our Lady of the Lake Hospital. One of our members decided she wanted to play music as we worked I told her it was find as long as it was appropriate. She loves all kinds of music but favors music that could be defined as ratchet music. The first song she played had a lot of cursing and unappropriated content. Even though some of the people there began to enjoy it and sing along, other began to look uncomfortable. I told that this music was unappropriated but she failed to see it that way and got mad. I realized that she truly didn't understand how the mood had changed because that’s just how she was. Instead of arguing with her I decided it would be best to show her what I meant. I decided to switch the Michael Jackson/Motown channel and everyone became happy. I showed her how now everyone was socializing and signing along. Shame can be used to teach someone a lesson they may not truly understand otherwise. The key is not to let the shame prevent them from moving forward. You’re shaming someone can quickly turn into guilt if you aren’t careful.

Guilt is the feeling of wrong doing to others. Making someone feel guilt is only slight different for shaming someone.  For example if someone in an Amish community were to be found playing video games they would feel guilty. They would feel guilty for forsaking the way of life they chose to uphold. You feel guilty whenever you make a promise you cannot keep. Unlike shame, which general comes for others, guilt comes from within  us.